The Wisdom of Our Elders

There is an African proverb that states, “Those who respect the elderly pave their own road toward success.”

Young hands holding old hands

Similarly, the Chinese believe that “a family with an old person has a living treasure of gold.”

Age gives a unique perspective—one that can greatly benefit younger generations, if only we would stop and listen. Who else is better equipped to advise us, than those with a lifetime of accumulated experiences?

In traditional cultures, elders were revered for their wisdom and held a special place in communities. This is still true in some cases today—notably, Indigenous cultures. In First Nations communities, elders impart knowledge, tradition, culture and values—through words (lessons, storytelling) and actions (modeling). Younger people are encouraged to receive these gifts with openness and respect.

This past weekend, I was struck with the good fortune of receiving nuggets of wisdom—gentle, timely reminders—from not one elder, but three.

During a phone call with my mother, she reminded me of an important truth: Change is the only constant. As the world around us changes—for better or worse—holding on to meaningful traditions allows us to preserve our grounding and sense of well-being. She has always put this truth into practice—through tea times, family meals, and the comfortable rituals of celebrating holidays and special occasions, despite the chaos of the day.

From my mother-in-law, I received an equally valuable nugget: Even if the world around us seems to be falling apart, there is still plenty to love. It’s important to seek out beauty and goodness—and nurture those things with our love. Indeed, she has always demonstrated this truth in her life, with seemingly boundless love for animals, nature, and the people in her life.

Later the same day, I had a phone conversation with an elderly woman from my church, whose quiet wisdom and grace I have long admired. She was telling me about a local business owner who made a large donation to a charity for which she was raising funds. She was so touched by his gesture, she decided to bake him his favorite cake. As we spoke, I was reminded of the goodness of others, and the importance of showing gratitude for their acts of kindness and generosity.

I often find myself missing both my father and my father-in-law, who regularly shared their steady advice with me. Not only were they both brilliant, but they were also eminently wise and humble. They were pillars in my life—I wonder if they ever realized how important that was?

When I hear seniors speak, I’m so often humbled by the value of their insights and perspectives. However, I can’t help wondering if anyone else feels this way. Particularly in North America, ageism runs rampant. We worship youth and fear or deny age. There is systemic “elder exclusion” from so much of our work.

Perhaps our system of values could benefit from a major reorientation.

Could our exclusion of elders be somehow linked to our fierce individualism? Our society seems more and more to value the individual over the collective. The result? We live in a “me” culture. Me first. Don’t step on my rights. I would argue that this attitude leads to an inability to learn from the past, and from the experiences of others. Time and again, I’ve served on committees that routinely bring on new members, chomping at the bit to leave their mark. No doubt I've been guilty of it myself. What ends up happening is that they either reinvent the wheel, or they repeat mistakes of the past. Of course there are exceptions, but it always struck me as curious that new members seldom seek advice from those who have served before them.

Likewise, why do we not choose to learn from the examples of our seniors—about how to bravely face adversity, and how to embrace brighter days with gratitude? After all, many of them have already walked the roads we walk—through recessions, wars, and even pandemic. They have navigated history and live to tell the tale. We just need to listen.

I would like to propose that our ability to learn from the past is linked with our attitudes toward our elders—and our willingness to listen. Likewise, our ability to make good decisions relies on our being open to a broad range of perspectives—most importantly, the perspective of time and experience offered by our most venerable citizens. If we omit elders from the conversation, it is to our own detriment.

Chris Rorden, December 8, 2022